Meeting Recap May 27, 2016 - Pops Star Panel

Like they say, all good things must come to an end. This past Friday was the last meeting of our 2015-16 A Fierce Flourishing MOPS year. We enjoyed our usual fair of food and fellowship with a little crafting and learning thrown in on the side.




This week, our traditionally testosterone free environment welcomed five husband/fathers to share their perspective on life, love and child rearing during the preschool years. Our Pops Star panel included:
  • Chris Kornelis - Free Lance writer/journalist/author of Rocking Fatherhood
  • Brent James - Lead pastor for PBF
  • Elias Cook - Physical Therapist with Kitsap Physical Therapy
  • Paul Meehan - Teacher Bainbridge Island School District
  • Steve Mercer - Children's Pastor for PBF
Our Pops Star panel answered a variety of questions (included in the list of questions below). While listening, a few things things really jumped out.

All the members of our Pops Star panel.

First of all, they all desired special relationships with each member of their family. They really wanted and enjoyed spending one-one-one time with each of their children and their wife. Many made father-child date night/adventures a priority at least once a year so that they could really get to know that child and develop a relationship with each child. Those special times alone with their kids were some of their favorite moments of being a dad. 

This need for relationship building also included a desire to spend special time with their wife. The tended to value date-night. Even though it is often hard to schedule date-night during this busy season of life, they really wanted it to happen. They wanted kids to have an established bedtime so that they could have routine time alone in the evening with their wife to watch a movie, talk or do other things. They saw a strong husband-wife relationship as vital to the stability and happiness of their home and family.

Stapling fabric to create a wood and fabric cross.
Getting ready to add the finishing touches.
Finished wood and fabric cross.

The second thing that stood out was communication. When discussing relationships, it always seems to come back to effective communication and this panel continually brought it back to that as well. The consensus was that most of things wives ask their husband to do, they would be happy (or at least willing) to do. The problem is a break in the line of communication somewhere between the wife feeling that they need their husband to do something and the husband's internalization of the fact that they can meet that need and thus act on it.

Tips they gave for communicating with the men in your life, included:
  • Be very direct.
  • Make sure you have his attention.
  • Give him time to process
Some of the food we collected to donate this meeting.

While listening to these guys talk about a man's perspective on parenting was enlightening, the best thing would really be to listen to the man in your own life talk about his own perspective on parenting. Below are some questions, included many of the ones asked Friday, that you can ask your own husband. Read through the list and tuck a few away in your memory to ask either on a date night or any other time you have a few minutes to chat. You might learn something new and start to see your man in a different light.

Parenting and Family

  1. Do you see your role as a father specifically defined?
  2. What are the hallmarks or defining characteristics of fatherhood for you?
  3. What has brought you the most joy in raising your children?
  4. What is your favorite family activity?
  5. How do you have fun with your children?
  6. How do you make each of your children feel special?
  7. What are some things your wife can do or has done to help you feel more involved with the kids and confident as a father?
  8. What makes you feel appreciated as a father by your wife?
  9. What attributes are most important to you to see built up in your children?
  10. What are some basic principles you use to guide your family?
  11. Share an example of how you parent differently than your wife. Explain how this is significant for your family.
  12. Share about the importance of your wife to you and your children.
  13. What is one thing that your wife does that really encourages you as a father?
  14. What one piece of advice would you give to new fathers?
  15. What is one thing your wife does as a “mom” that you wish she wouldn’t?
  16. What legacy do you hope to pass on to your boys? Your girls?

Marriage

  1. What is the best memory you have of your wedding day?
  2. What first attracted you to your wife?
  3. What makes your wife a "star"?
  4. What qualities do you admire most in your bride as a wife? As a mother?
  5. What do you appreciate most about your wife?
  6. How do you gauge success in marriage?
  7. How valuable to you is your wife’s respect?
  8. What are some ways your wife shows you respect in your household? In public?
  9. Specifically, how can a wife help her husband feel appreciated?
  10. What are some things your wife does or can do that make you look forward to coming home every night?
  11. How important is it for you and your wife to have your own separate time as individuals?
  12. Share an idea for a date night with your wife.
  13. How do/did you instill romance in your relationship when your kids were young?
  14. When and how is the best way for a wife to communicate with her husband when something is important to her?
  15. What is the best way for your wife to ask for a break/personal time when you are both working so hard?
  16. What advice can you share with moms whose husbands are not a spiritual leader of the family?
  17. How do you find time for your marriage in the midst of raising children?
  18. How can a wife “remind” their husbands of tasks/events without it seeming like nagging?
  19. What is one thing we should know about men?
  20. Is it true that men only want sex, tv, and food?
  21. How hard is it for men to go without sex?
  22. How often do men need sex?

Mutual Support

  1. What can I do to support my husband when he is struggling or dissatisfied at work?
  2. How can a wife help a workaholic husband relax?
  3. What are practical ways to show your husband love and respect?
  4. What makes change so hard for men?
  5. How does your wife support you spiritually? How do you support her?

Concluding Questions

  1. What is one thing you wish all mothers understood about being a father and a husband?
  2. What is one thing you would want your wife to know about how you view her role as a wife and mother?
  3. Mom’s have all kinds of fears about messing up their children. What do dads fear?

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